"Life is short. Have an Affair?"

That's basically what AshleyMadison.com is advertising. There are a lot of people who are bent out of shape about its unabashed, completely straightforward approach which seems to say, "Yes you are married. Yes you can have an affair. Here, let's help you have one."

Now on the one hand, I ask this question: What's new here? People have been using social networking sites to have affairs since they've been in existence, so how is this any different, other than its bold statements and "Affair Guarantee." If Match.com and eHarmony.com can make money getting people together, why can't this site make money breaking relationships apart?

On the other hand, just because people have been having affairs, doesn't mean you should encourage or help them along in doing so. Their slogan "Life is short. Have an affair." is an imperative statement (meaning giving you an order, like "Listen!"). Its one thing if a site is up, and its there for anyone to access and connect with people at their discretion. For example, you can't blame Facebook or Myspace for being the cause of people having affairs, because it is the person making the decision to do so. This site, on the other hand, encourages an affair, and guarantees you one for the low, low cost of $249.

So this raises another question: If you tell someone to have an affair, and they do, is it your fault that they have an affair, or are human beings responsible for their own actions? Its like asking the question: Do guns kill people, or do people kill people?

The bottom line here is morals and values. What are your core beliefs about love? About relationships? About marriage? About sex? Do you believe your relationship will work, or is it bound to fail like all the others?

I am a firm believer that life is what you make it to be, including relationships and yes, sex. If you're truly unhappy with your relationship, then start talking to your significant other about it. If you want to slap that person in the face for your own selfish reasons, be my guest, but you probably won't learn from your relationship experience, and it may be that you'll end up getting in and out of relationships for the rest of your life. Your call.

www.NewHopeCounselingOnline.com

A Parent's Worst Nightmare

Children look to us to make good choices, and help them understand themselves, their feelings, and the purpose in life. It saddens me to see stories like this one surface about an 8 year old boy who shot his father, and a man who rented a room from his father.:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/27600105/

The story goes on to say that it is unclear as to whether or not the child was abused. It also states that the murders were pre-meditated. This stands to raise a few questions:

Was it nature or nurture? Was this child sociopathic, or did he feel trapped, with no way out other than to end these lives? If he was not a sociopath, what drove him to do what most adults would have trouble doing? Until we know the truth, I suppose we could speculate all day.

I call this a parent's worst nightmare, because the idea of raising children is to do your best to ensure that they are safe, but also that they don't make terrible choices they will live to regret. At least that's my impression of what raising a healthy child should be.

I would encourage most parents who have a bleak outlook on their child's future, to think about this case in context with your own child's life. Remember, you're still alive, and when compared to this case, that counts for something. It means that as long as you can develop a relationship with your child, perhaps there is hope for them to become happy, healthy and making good choices.

Jim
www.NewHopeCounselingOnline.com

TV Sexual Content = Teen Sexual Behavior?

The LA Times Reported today that the RAND Corporation did a study on teen sexual behavior, and apparently these are the findings:

"The teens who watched the most sexual content on TV (the 90th percentile) were twice as likely to have become pregnant or caused a pregnancy compared to the teens who watched the least amount of sexual content on TV (the 10th percentile)."

The full article here:

http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/booster_shots/2008/11/sexual-content.html

Perhaps it is time to pay a bit more attention to what kids are watching and how it affects their behavior. Certain shows may seem harmless, but perhaps they are getting their social cues for what is "normal sexual behavior" from these shows. I encourage parents to engage their teens in discussion about sex and the possible pitfalls that they may not be ready for. The television shows certainly don't seem interested in showing them, and its not their job to do so anyway.

www.NewHopeCounselingOnline.com